Let me preface this by saying that I am happy. Very happy. In fact, I think I am as happy as I can possibly be at this point in my life. That is not to say that I do not hope for and look forward to the wonderful experiences that the future holds: husband, children, family, to name a few. But that is not my life right now. I am here, and I've come to realize that here is precisely where the Lord intends for me to be, where He has always intended for me to be. Knowing that gives me a sense of peace, purpose, and joy. Given the choice between happiness and misery, I choose happiness. I choose progress. I choose improvement.
In the past few months I have been on several dates in which I have been chastised for choosing to pursue a doctorate in physics. Yes, chastised. These well-meaning boys of twenty- or thirty-some years of age, for whatever reason, believe it is their prerogative to tell me that what I am doing with my life is wrong. Never mind what my patriarchal blessing says. Never mind what priesthood blessings have said. Never mind personal revelation. The root of the problem appears to be the unfounded belief that a woman who pursues an education does not want a family. Now I know a great many intelligent, accomplished, educated women. In fact, I was recently called to be a Relief Society president in a ward bursting at the seams with amazing women. And as I talk with these incredible daughters of God, there isn't one for whom this belief holds true. Not one. To make this sort of assumption is, in my mind, as ridiculous as making the assumption that every unmarried man over the age of 25 must have a pornography addiction. Preposterous? Precisely.
So what is it about the culture within the Church that fosters this sort of mentality? I say culture because it certainly has no foundation in the doctrine. The acquisition of knowledge is a godly attribute. We are instructed to obtain knowledge (DC 109:7) and to obtain knowledge of all different varieties (DC 88:78-80). We are promised that that knowledge will be a blessing to us now and in eternity (DC 130:19). And there are countless ways in which this knowledge can be obtained. I certainly am not advocating that the only worthwhile education is a college education. That simply is not true. But education -- formal and informal, spiritual and temporal -- is one of the primary purposes of mortality. So then why is it that my choosing to pursue an advanced degree is perceived as somehow contrary to the will of God? Why is it that these well-meaning boys feel to question my testimony of the family, my testimony of God's plan of happiness? For in making those assumptions that is essentially what they have done. And, all that aside, I'd also just really love to know what exactly I am supposed to be doing with my life at this point (according to them), if not this?
I think it is amazing that we can all share the same divine parentage and yet be so very different. And I believe that the Lord glories in this diversity. The only universal plan is the plan of salvation; the landscape of our individual lives will be a varied as we are. There is no mold, for the Lord will mold us as He sees fit. If we let Him, He will direct us along a path that is uniquely ours, tailored to our needs, towards a common goal: eternal life. Just as Lehi and his family took a very different path to the promised land from the Jaredites, so it is with our lives. For me, this means I will quietly push against cultural norms and pursue a doctorate in physics. And I will do so gladly, because I know that's the path the Lord has placed before me at this time. When I marry, it will be to the right person, in the right place, at the right time, because how could it be any different, if I'm following the Lord's plan? For you, it means something very different. And that's perfectly okay. In fact, I think it's wonderful. Ultimately, the measure of our lives is not in how well it fits into some prescribed mold, but in how well we have molded it to God's will.
6 comments:
Amen girl... AMEN!!! You are such an amazing person. I want to be more like you. :)
This is lovely Mary. Sarah shared this with me, just in case you are wondering who this random stranger is.
Do you mind if I were to share this on my FB wall?
Nope, I don't mind at all Eleanor! :)
And Tracy, I love you. You are seriously so great. Thank you for being YOU!
I'm one of the fb friends Eleanor drew over. Do these men think they're making themselves appealing to you? When I was still an undergrad, I dated a man who was bewildered to learn I intended to earn a graduate degree even if I were married when I graduated. Needless to say, we did not get married.
While I haven't had any other men berate me for attending grad school, I'm sure some have kept their distance since I started pursuing a PhD. And I've talked to a lot of women in their mid- to late-twenties who express worry that by choosing grad school they've surrendered the chance to get married.
It only now occurs to me that I have never once heard a man express that worry. Anyway, good for you. I think more of us LDS single women in grad school should talk about how happy we are with our choice. Maybe that will help this bizarre cultural attitude change.
This is such a wonderful post! I have been there and am there currently. I know without a shadow of doubt that I am supposed to be in grad school right now and what do you know? Yep...I've had those conversations with guys about why I'm in grad school and not getting married. It's as if I have chosen one over the other verses me having both. Good to know, and I know other LDS single ladies like us, that we are not alone. Good luck in school!
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